Today marks one week with Maggie Mae and I. She continues to have new antics keeping me on my toes. I believe she really is the most stubborn fur baby I have ever had. So opposite to Kenna but that's probably good.
I was in the bathtub this morning and Maggie was dashing through the house as part of her new morning routine. Every once in a while she'd speed into the bathroom put her little front paws on the edge, look at me and then run like mad away again. I had put my arm on the edge of the tub for a minute and suddenly Maggie comes dashing back in with no breaking system on her. She goes to throw her front paws on the edge like all the other times but the water made it slippery and her momentum of the run caused her to dive head first into the bath water. She pops up and looks at me like "what the h e l l just happened there?" Man was I laughing buckets. Needless to say we had to get her all dried off and sorted before I could finish my bath.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
A Time for Everything
Day 2 with Maggie Mae and I'm already madly in love with her. She cries when I leave and it breaks my heart. She sounds like a squeaky toy as my girlfriend from work pointed out. As long as she is touching me with some body part she is happy to play with her toys but if I walk even a foot away she gives me about 10 seconds before that cry starts up. I know it's best for her not to carry her everywhere but at the moment I just cannot help it.
My heart still breaks from my sweet Kenna and I think of her everyday but I've started laughing again when I watch the antics of Maggie Mae. It reminds me that even with the sorrow life is really beautiful.
Ecclesiastes 3: 1 - 8
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
My heart still breaks from my sweet Kenna and I think of her everyday but I've started laughing again when I watch the antics of Maggie Mae. It reminds me that even with the sorrow life is really beautiful.
Ecclesiastes 3: 1 - 8
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
Friday, March 23, 2012
Lazy day and Sunshine
After three days of rain and gray dreary weather I woke to beautiful rays of sunshine today. The rays were so bright it was as if each one was a finger lightly kissing my skin with its warmth. The kind that fill your heart with hope and your head with dreams. Surrounded by a clear blue sky of calming beauty and infinite color.
I wonder though, would I have appreciated the morning sun as much if I hadn't just spent the previous days in dreary color? Maybe the beauty is that much better when I've walked through the darker days first. Just maybe, the sun is that much brighter when I haven't seen it for a few days than when I have it's warmth day after day.
Today may some of those dark struggles pass away and may the sun shine brightly on your eyes and kiss your skin with its warmth.
I wonder though, would I have appreciated the morning sun as much if I hadn't just spent the previous days in dreary color? Maybe the beauty is that much better when I've walked through the darker days first. Just maybe, the sun is that much brighter when I haven't seen it for a few days than when I have it's warmth day after day.
Today may some of those dark struggles pass away and may the sun shine brightly on your eyes and kiss your skin with its warmth.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
It's all about the hair
When I was brushing my hair this morning before work I was looking at my hair. I've always had baby fine hair. In my younger years hairdressers would tell me how fine it was but that I had lots of it. Of course now they are kind enough not to mention the thinning of that same fine hair. At some point, I honestly cannot say when I resigned myself to the fact that I would never have pretty hair like so many of my friends did. There hair would grow long and luscious and if I tried to get mine past my shoulders is was stringy and ugly and looked even finer than before.
When my precious daughter came along the first couple years of her life she was pretty much bald. Around two though her hair started coming in fast and furious and was thick and red and so very beautiful. I thanked God every day for giving my daughter the hair I never had and felt that it was fine that He saved it for her. I would much rather live with something I was used to and let her enjoy the glory of beautiful hair.
By the time that she was 10 her hair was so thick that the stylists would have to thin it because rubber bands wouldn't pull it all back for her and she'd get so irritated at having so much hair that she couldn't do many styles as they would make it puff out (as she put it). I started noticing most the women around me had some complaint about their hair. Very few said I like my hair just fine the way it is. How sad that so many beautiful women were so unhappy with such a prominent part of themselves.
Today when you are checking out at the store or stopping at the bank or even running in for a cup of coffee at your favorite spot take time to let the person behind the counter no something nice about their hair. If their hair really is the worst and you can't find something, then give them a compliment on their eyes or cheekbones or really anything that will lift them up. Remember that woman (or even man) serving you probably hasn't heard one good thing about themselves today. The average human here's only 1 positive for every 10 negatives and with that there is no wonder some of them are cranky. I've notice that the crankiest ones of all when given a compliment end up being quite nice most the time and they remember you when you go back.
Leave something nice behind you and remember you have the exact hair God planned for you and you alone.
Luke 12:7
But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.
When my precious daughter came along the first couple years of her life she was pretty much bald. Around two though her hair started coming in fast and furious and was thick and red and so very beautiful. I thanked God every day for giving my daughter the hair I never had and felt that it was fine that He saved it for her. I would much rather live with something I was used to and let her enjoy the glory of beautiful hair.
By the time that she was 10 her hair was so thick that the stylists would have to thin it because rubber bands wouldn't pull it all back for her and she'd get so irritated at having so much hair that she couldn't do many styles as they would make it puff out (as she put it). I started noticing most the women around me had some complaint about their hair. Very few said I like my hair just fine the way it is. How sad that so many beautiful women were so unhappy with such a prominent part of themselves.
Today when you are checking out at the store or stopping at the bank or even running in for a cup of coffee at your favorite spot take time to let the person behind the counter no something nice about their hair. If their hair really is the worst and you can't find something, then give them a compliment on their eyes or cheekbones or really anything that will lift them up. Remember that woman (or even man) serving you probably hasn't heard one good thing about themselves today. The average human here's only 1 positive for every 10 negatives and with that there is no wonder some of them are cranky. I've notice that the crankiest ones of all when given a compliment end up being quite nice most the time and they remember you when you go back.
Leave something nice behind you and remember you have the exact hair God planned for you and you alone.
Luke 12:7
But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
SOME people are really hard to love
There is this guy at work that just does not like me. To be honest I'm not all that fond of him either. He's from Kenya, thinks poorly of my country and is really self centered.
My light colored eyes have photosensitivy and it's getting worse with age, so on Sundays there are only three people in the office and two of us are sensitive to the fluorescents so we do not turn on the lights. When we explained this and asked that Sundays we keep the lights off he did not take kindly to it. In fact he got quite belligerent and pretty much told me to mind my own business. I really thought my eyes were my business but I'll get back to you on that.
The point I'm trying to get at is him and I frequently have small altercations like this and he holds a grudge each and every time. Since I don't share that personality trait I like to move on quickly and be done with it. However there is one trait we do share and that is the self centeredness. I have trouble remembering this, though, when I'm in the middle of it.
So what's my point right? Well, I struggle and I mean really struggle some days to be civil to him. It takes all my human strength which got me to thinking...why am I using human strength? Why haven't I prayed for this enemy like I have others? Yes, in fact every time I have prayed for the betterment of my enemies the ill will towards them has gone away and I've truly become to care so you would think that I would do this first hand. NOPE! I don't. For some reason I like to put myself through grief of my own before I get around to this. It must be the HUMAN in me.
So today I'm going to pray for him. I will pray for his success, salvation, peace and prosperity. At first it may not be what I want but it isn't about me. As much as I sometimes want it to be, it just isn't. Today I will do it because I am supposed to but if the days go as they have in the past, past in time I will want to pray for him and will want every good thing to be his. After all he is just as much God's kiddo as I am.
Mathew 5:43-47
“You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much.
My light colored eyes have photosensitivy and it's getting worse with age, so on Sundays there are only three people in the office and two of us are sensitive to the fluorescents so we do not turn on the lights. When we explained this and asked that Sundays we keep the lights off he did not take kindly to it. In fact he got quite belligerent and pretty much told me to mind my own business. I really thought my eyes were my business but I'll get back to you on that.
The point I'm trying to get at is him and I frequently have small altercations like this and he holds a grudge each and every time. Since I don't share that personality trait I like to move on quickly and be done with it. However there is one trait we do share and that is the self centeredness. I have trouble remembering this, though, when I'm in the middle of it.
So what's my point right? Well, I struggle and I mean really struggle some days to be civil to him. It takes all my human strength which got me to thinking...why am I using human strength? Why haven't I prayed for this enemy like I have others? Yes, in fact every time I have prayed for the betterment of my enemies the ill will towards them has gone away and I've truly become to care so you would think that I would do this first hand. NOPE! I don't. For some reason I like to put myself through grief of my own before I get around to this. It must be the HUMAN in me.
So today I'm going to pray for him. I will pray for his success, salvation, peace and prosperity. At first it may not be what I want but it isn't about me. As much as I sometimes want it to be, it just isn't. Today I will do it because I am supposed to but if the days go as they have in the past, past in time I will want to pray for him and will want every good thing to be his. After all he is just as much God's kiddo as I am.
Mathew 5:43-47
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
What A Storm!
Last night shortly after I went to bed the winds started howling, thunder clapped so loudly I thought it was in my bedroom and the lightning was so strikingly bright it kept lighting up my room through the small slit in the curtain. As beautiful as the lightning show was initially I soon tired of it and wanted to sleep. Every time I dosed off though the thunder and lightning would begin again.
Oftentimes we have storms in our lives. Sometimes they are a small wind with an annoying drizzle and other times they hit us like the force of a hurricane with all the requisite wind and flooding rains. What is amazing about storms though is no matter what damage they initially cause afterwards whether something needs rebuilt or the rains create growth in gardens it's usually better than before and much more beautiful.
I try to remember this when there are storms in my daily life as well. During the storm it seems never ending like things will never get better, but after I'm through the storm things are so much brighter and better; I wonder why I was doubting God's help through the storm to begin with. It amazes me that He continues to get me through them when each and every time I lack faith of His plan.
Today I'm trying to remember that He can make my life better than I can ever imagine if I just remember to trust him through the storms and allow him to give me the beautiful results.
Psalm 107:29
He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed.
Oftentimes we have storms in our lives. Sometimes they are a small wind with an annoying drizzle and other times they hit us like the force of a hurricane with all the requisite wind and flooding rains. What is amazing about storms though is no matter what damage they initially cause afterwards whether something needs rebuilt or the rains create growth in gardens it's usually better than before and much more beautiful.
I try to remember this when there are storms in my daily life as well. During the storm it seems never ending like things will never get better, but after I'm through the storm things are so much brighter and better; I wonder why I was doubting God's help through the storm to begin with. It amazes me that He continues to get me through them when each and every time I lack faith of His plan.
Today I'm trying to remember that He can make my life better than I can ever imagine if I just remember to trust him through the storms and allow him to give me the beautiful results.
Psalm 107:29
He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Aural Fear (My experience with Seizures)
Write; write about
what hasn't been written. I would like this wonderful repertoire of words
to freely flow to fingers from mind, but they aren’t there. Instead I
sit; a timeline due and nothing to put to paper. How did I get to this
point? How did I go from words that without a care could be penned to
none at all?
It wasn't always
this way. There was a time, when I sat day after day pounding keys and
weaving stories that people of all ages read. Before the accident.
Before a seizure took a small part of my mind and made it useless. Something no
one should have to live with once let alone multiple times. Yet that is
what happened. No warning that life would change suddenly. One day an
overworked middle aged woman without little care, the next each moment steeped
with fear.
Just off work
from scripting and software testing. Depending on the depth of the project;
great work but long hours. 1:00 p.m. on
Wednesdays is my Friday as others would see it if they lived my schedule.
A baby shower was coming up, and a stop at Target was needed. While deciding my
purchase, my vision blurred and thoughts raced. I refocused, shook my
head and thought to myself "I haven't eaten today I simply need to get
some sugar and sustenance to balance out.”
My footsteps
slowed as I made my way to the fruit. I would peel a banana and take the
heat for theft. No longer did I know exactly what I was doing. It
seemed slow motion-my thoughts were separated, I couldn't put together words or
meanings and my thinking was, well, missing for lack of a better word. Where
was I going again? I stood there. I could feel my eyes roll into the back
of my head. I grabbed the cold metal edge of a fruit bin. I fought the
rolling of my eyes trying to bring them forward, heightened fear as each second
passed by. What was happening? The lights were bright, brighter
than I'd ever seen. Fuzzy movements were around me, but I couldn't tell
what they were. Logic passed. Light, light, light. Somehow during
the confusion I knew falling on a hard floor was dangerous. I dropped to
my knees. As if kicked in the face, my
body flew back, my head hitting the hard concrete-based tile first before my
body followed. Eyes strained their way
backwards one last time. I could feel the muscles in my body seizing and
my last, final thought was “shit that hurt”.
There is no way
to express how this truly feels. No bodily control. When a seizure comes
on, no matter how much you fight, your body takes over and has a mind of its
own. You know feelings are there, and what will happen but you don't know
how you know since it never happened before. This is called an ‘aural’ state. I
wish that was it--that I woke up and all was well with the world. To be
honest, 'well with the world' has never fully been experienced since then.
I recall being
walked by a small, older Mexican woman and a blonde woman of average height. We
headed to a chair that sat in the Starbucks portion of Target. Gingerly to
wooden chairs in straight backed positions made of inflexible pine around
tables of the same.
Why are
strangers so kind to me? I couldn't remember what had occurred, but here
was this woman rubbing and patting my back and making me feel safe like all was
well. I smiled an insane smile while glancing back and forth at the
two faces. They had this look in their eyes. I had no idea what it meant
at the time. Now I realize it was pity, sympathy, and maybe even fear from
dealing with a stranger flopping around the floor like a fish out of water and
no ability to stop. Instead they watched helplessly and wondered when it
would end.
As we continued
sitting in the Starbucks area, EMT technicians entered the store. Wow, I
thought, someone must have gotten hurt. To my great surprise they walked
up to me. Why me? I had no
idea. I was still sitting, smiling wildly at all passersby, feeling like
royalty with all the attention being offered me not understanding that the
attention was likely morbid curiosity.
An EMT said to
me 'ma'am, are you ok'? I gave him the same stupid stare I was giving
everyone else. Stupid because in one respect I knew what the words meant but
they weren't properly assimilated by my brain. As dumb looks continued to
emanate from my face, the two EMT's explained to me that we were going to the
hospital. I wasn't sick, yet I had no energy to argue. My fully
functioning thought process was not there. So much so, that it didn't
even cross my mind to be concerned.
The Mexican lady
stepped away and an EMT came to either side of me, gently taking my upper arms
and getting me to my feet. I looked at the gurney placed in front of
me. They lay me down, placed a white sheet over me and put two belts
across me; one mid thigh and one below my breastbone. I have to admit
that I childishly thought the ride was fun and grinned. Then fear crossed
my mind as they lifted the gurney into the ambulance. It was dark and
crowded. There were wires and baggies and meds everywhere. Where were
they taking me again? Oh yes, the
hospital I remember someone said this to me.
Fragmented
thoughts flooded my mind, flashes of walking, the feeling of falling, even
further back in the day working and making decisions. Vague flashes of memory
made me feel anxious and my eyes welled with tears. The EMT inside the
truck was a manly woman. She was firm but sweet and I was thankful that
she made me feel comfortable. Suddenly without warning, tears poured
down my face, and shakes took over my body. The type of shakes you have
when you've been in the cold for too long. Teeth shattering, jaw
clenching, hand shaking type of shakes. The EMT patted my hand with her
own rough, meaty hand. I don't know how she managed, but with one hand
patting she slid a needle into my vein above my thumb with her other hand.
With hiccupping sobs I tried to sit up. Panic now set in and the tiny
space of the ambulance was creating hysteria that grew by leaps and
bounds. Every time I had seen someone on
TV react adversely, I rolled my eyes, clucked my tongue and wondered ‘what is
their problem?' Now I reacted in the same manner with no regard to what others
might think of my behavior. I still couldn't form complete thoughts but
fragments flashed in and out. As the EMT continued to pat my hand she eyed my
erratic vitals. I continued to breathe heavily telling myself don't cry, don't
cry, but tears slowly made their way down my cheeks.
The ambulance
pulled into the semi-circle drive at the hospital. I was rolled into a room.
Thankfully the tears subsided and the anxiety, although still present had
reduced enough to be tolerable. After a few minutes a nurse with
beautiful cocoa colored skin and an authoritative presence to counteract her 5
ft body, came in and asked me to assist her to get my clothes off and into a
gown. My favorite part of the experience to this point was a warm cotton
blanket they laid across the bottom half of my legs. I was finally comfortable
and could feel myself relaxing a bit in the safety of the room twice the size
of the ambulance that did not send me to near claustrophobic mania. I no
longer felt disoriented although if I thought more than a couple minutes into
the past or the future, confusion quickly returned. I was exhausted, more
exhausted than I’ve been in a long time.
Fifteen minutes later a professional man with doctor attached to the
left pocket of his green surgical scrubs walked into the room. He had a
clip board, and looked young and handsome. I was thankful the goofy grin
was no longer plastering my face, and looked directly at him waiting for him to
speak. He said 'ma'am, I'm the attending physician today (he included
his name but for the life of me I couldn't tell you what it was). Based on the
witnesses at the store, and the report from the EMT's, you had a grand mal
seizure that lasted approximately four minutes and is considered major.
Have you had one before?' I replied that I had not had one before and wasn’t
sure what one was. Then I lobbed off a group of questions, how did it
happen, will it happen again, what do I do, and on and on they went. How I came
up with questions when I couldn’t recall other events eluded me. Doc
replied 'we don't know why they occur, they happen for any number of reasons,
sudden drug withdrawal, change in brain activity, there at birth, we don't
know.’ I needed something definitive.
I needed to KNOW.
A cat scan was performed and no aneurysm noted - good news.
I stayed a couple more hours, then released. My driver’s license was
restricted and I couldn’t drive for six months. This created more
questions: how would I get to work, how would I go shopping and what would I
do? I'd never considered any of these
questions before and didn’t appreciate having to think of them now. I
phoned my boss and my boss’s boss to get me. Yes, I admit these two men
are the closest thing I have to friends. I'm not social by nature, so
this was it. I am thankful I at least had them. They came to the room to
pick me up, and I had the gall to ask to take one of the blankets with me.
They said yes, and to this day, I enjoy that blanket.
Once home and in bed, I tried to figure out what had transpired.
To date I can’t remember everything that happened. I still wake
up every morning wondering, “Will I have another seizure today? Will I
be in public and just drop down and become a spectacle for others to gawk at?
Or will this be the day that I fall in the wrong direction ending my
life? Will it happen at work and colleagues then see my weakness?”
I found that a prescribed
drug I used, when suddenly stopped, could have this side effect. Said
like some small inconvenience.
I wonder if they realize that it altered my life, my personality and how I
interact. I no longer blithely walk in public but speak silent warnings
the entire time. Don't look directly at lights, stay off tile, be near carpeting,
avoid stairwells, and so on. Outwardly, no one is aware that this
diatribe of cautions flow through the same brain that two months back let me
down.
If I go 48 months without
seizing, odds of my having another seizure equals those that have never had
one, so I count days, weeks, and months, waiting for that 48 and final month to
pass. I fiercely argue going on a drug they want me to use that has side
effects and although it may stop future seizures will alternatively cause other
concerns. So I fight this battle
naturally.
Should I go the doctors’ way, another pill that may be dangerous
but allows me to keep some independence? Seems like a no-brainer; just
take the pills. In fact, if it was pills
that got me here. I’m not willing to let them take me somewhere else. If another seizure comes within four years,
it won’t be my choice, but for now it is, and I choose to fight.
One Beat
**This is a true account of two dear friends of mine who have now left this earth. The last paragraph is the only thing embellished. he did not overdose but he did pass on. As a foreign girl in England thes 70 something year old couple took to me and I to them. We share laughs and stories and one day they shared theirs with me. Here it is with writer's liberty in that she did pass away first, but he did not overdose to join her**
Across the cobblestone path their eyes met. She was 16, he was 17. They were both visiting family in Edinburgh. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw him. His skipped two. He attempted to act casual, as he slowly strolled towards her side of the street. He looked into her eyes from less than a yard and said 'Hello there, what brings you out on this rain laden day?’ ‘Why, to meet you of course.’ She replied. And they talked for hours. And hours. And hours.
They met each other's families and dated for a time. Her brothers even went so far as to threaten him if he didn’t treat her right and he respected them for that. Then the war with the Germans came. He joined the Air Force. She went to London to help in the bomb factories. The war went on and they forgot about love.
Eventually the fighting ended. He went back to Scotland. She stayed in London.
Within a short time of his return he began dating and eventually married. They had a child and felt content…for a time. Then one morning he had to turn back home because he forgot his lunch. A delivery truck was parked in the drive but he didn’t remember them ordering anything. He entered through the back door off the kitchen. He grabbed his black pail and was headed back towards his car when he heard his wife. He walked towards the other end of the house. When he glanced in the bedroom he saw through the partially closed door what he never wanted to see; a strange man in his bed. After 16 years of marriage, he turned and walked out the door, never to return.
In an effort to get away, he took a job driving ambulance in London. As he walked up Castle Street one morning he looked up and found a familiar face on the second level of one of the well known double-decker buses. It was her from all those years ago. Her hair was still as golden as the sun and her face barely looked like it had aged at all. Without a thought, he jumped aboard when the bus stopped at the next round about. Before he could reach the first stair the driver said ‘Why you gettin’ on the bus, the terminal’s just the other side of the round about.’ He asked to ride the remainder anyhow.
When he stepped off the bus he waited by the door for her to alight. There she was, suddenly, as if all those years had never passed. She looked at him and her heart skipped a beat. His skipped two. Then he glanced down and noticed the little boy holding tightly to her hand for his three year old life.
‘Well hello again,’ he said.
‘Hello’ she said.
‘Is the young lad yours?’ he asked.
‘Yes, he’s mine.’ She replied.
‘So…you’re married.’ he said with a little less enthusiasm than before.
‘No, not anymore.’ she said and watched as his eyes brightened as they were a moment ago.
‘Can I buy you a coffee?’ he asked.
‘Yes, that would be lovely.’ she replied and they strolled to the nearest pub and drank coffee. And they talked for hours. And hours. And hours.
It wasn’t long before they realized they loved each other like no love before, and had always held the other in their heart since that first meeting that rainy day in Edinburgh so long ago.
Eventually she said ‘I do’ and he said ‘I do’ and they did for forty six wonderful years.
When it was time for her to say good-bye her breathing was a mere raspy gasping. He leaned down and whispered in her ear ‘make the coffee when you get there and I will join you shortly.’ She smiled and let out a breath that could have been a sigh. Then she left him. He phoned the emergency number and asked them to come, then walked to the medicine chest and took out her prescriptions. He went to the kitchen and filled a glass with water. After taking all the pills he could find and swallowing them quickly, he then laid down next to her, took her warm and stiff hand and closed his eyes. The smile on his face said ‘I’m on my way’
Across the cobblestone path their eyes met. She was 16, he was 17. They were both visiting family in Edinburgh. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw him. His skipped two. He attempted to act casual, as he slowly strolled towards her side of the street. He looked into her eyes from less than a yard and said 'Hello there, what brings you out on this rain laden day?’ ‘Why, to meet you of course.’ She replied. And they talked for hours. And hours. And hours.
They met each other's families and dated for a time. Her brothers even went so far as to threaten him if he didn’t treat her right and he respected them for that. Then the war with the Germans came. He joined the Air Force. She went to London to help in the bomb factories. The war went on and they forgot about love.
Eventually the fighting ended. He went back to Scotland. She stayed in London.
Within a short time of his return he began dating and eventually married. They had a child and felt content…for a time. Then one morning he had to turn back home because he forgot his lunch. A delivery truck was parked in the drive but he didn’t remember them ordering anything. He entered through the back door off the kitchen. He grabbed his black pail and was headed back towards his car when he heard his wife. He walked towards the other end of the house. When he glanced in the bedroom he saw through the partially closed door what he never wanted to see; a strange man in his bed. After 16 years of marriage, he turned and walked out the door, never to return.
In an effort to get away, he took a job driving ambulance in London. As he walked up Castle Street one morning he looked up and found a familiar face on the second level of one of the well known double-decker buses. It was her from all those years ago. Her hair was still as golden as the sun and her face barely looked like it had aged at all. Without a thought, he jumped aboard when the bus stopped at the next round about. Before he could reach the first stair the driver said ‘Why you gettin’ on the bus, the terminal’s just the other side of the round about.’ He asked to ride the remainder anyhow.
When he stepped off the bus he waited by the door for her to alight. There she was, suddenly, as if all those years had never passed. She looked at him and her heart skipped a beat. His skipped two. Then he glanced down and noticed the little boy holding tightly to her hand for his three year old life.
‘Well hello again,’ he said.
‘Hello’ she said.
‘Is the young lad yours?’ he asked.
‘Yes, he’s mine.’ She replied.
‘So…you’re married.’ he said with a little less enthusiasm than before.
‘No, not anymore.’ she said and watched as his eyes brightened as they were a moment ago.
‘Can I buy you a coffee?’ he asked.
‘Yes, that would be lovely.’ she replied and they strolled to the nearest pub and drank coffee. And they talked for hours. And hours. And hours.
It wasn’t long before they realized they loved each other like no love before, and had always held the other in their heart since that first meeting that rainy day in Edinburgh so long ago.
Eventually she said ‘I do’ and he said ‘I do’ and they did for forty six wonderful years.
When it was time for her to say good-bye her breathing was a mere raspy gasping. He leaned down and whispered in her ear ‘make the coffee when you get there and I will join you shortly.’ She smiled and let out a breath that could have been a sigh. Then she left him. He phoned the emergency number and asked them to come, then walked to the medicine chest and took out her prescriptions. He went to the kitchen and filled a glass with water. After taking all the pills he could find and swallowing them quickly, he then laid down next to her, took her warm and stiff hand and closed his eyes. The smile on his face said ‘I’m on my way’
Young and Poor
Young and Poor
By:
Lee Stuart
It was big…and old. My 1972 Dodge Dart. How I wished I actually owned it in ’72. However, I was young, poor; a single parent with a singularly small income. So sixteen years and an original engine was my transportation. It wasn’t stylish, in fact there was no real name for what it was, but it was mine.
November rolled around and it was decidedly cold. Record lows were already being noted by the news. Not a great time to have a car break down which meant that was exactly when it happened. Only six miles to work everyday, with a stop at the daycare center four miles into the trip. The poor girl couldn’t make it that far and sputtered and coughed and finally rolled herself to a stop midway on the route to work one morning.
I laid my head on the steering wheel and tried not to cry. This was only the third week of my temporary assignment. I needed the money and I really wanted the chance to get a permanent place with the company. I looked over at my daughter and her sweet toddler face just smiled in return. So unaware of what problems this breakdown could mean. A small blessing in a bleak moment.
With a large sigh and a lift of my shoulders, I stepped out of the car into the biting wind. The only thing that could make the morning colder would be rain. While looking under the hood of the car it did just that. Time was moving by quickly and I still didn’t have any idea how to get the car started again or how I would get to work. With a final glance at an engine that wouldn’t turn over, I dropped the hood.
I opened my door. The wonder that was my daughter looked at me inquisitively and I smiled at her reassuringly. I went around to her side of the car, got her out of her seat and walked with her to her day care. Once I settled her in, gave her a hug and kissed her goodbye I quickly headed to work. On foot.
Twenty minutes late, but finally in the door, I walked as fast as possible without drawing notice to myself. I worked my way through the cubicles toward my assigned desk. I had just sat down when my supervisor walked up.
“You’re twenty minutes late.” She said.
“I know and I am so sorry but my car broke down.” I replied.
“Please come with me to my office. I have to give you a verbal warning. I’m sorry about your car but its company policy.” With that she turned and headed toward her office.
I got up and followed. My feet were dragging and my shoulders hunched. It felt as if the world truly did rest on me. It was only morning and I felt completely exhausted. How was I going to get to work tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that? I didn’t know, but it wasn’t looking good. I went into her office, signed my acknowledgement of receiving a verbal warning and headed back to my desk. I did wonder on the return why a verbal warning was in writing, but really, who was I to question it?
As the day progressed, I tried to concentrate on my work. It was difficult, but lunch time finally came. Now was the time I could call around and arrange to get her towed home. There was no need to tow it to a garage. I didn’t have any funds to have it repaired. However, if I didn’t have it moved, the county would move it for me. This would not only cost more, but they would charge for storage too. That was an option I didn’t want to consider. By the end of lunch I had arranged to have the car towed. The cost would take all of my grocery money for the week, but had to be done. I would worry about the groceries later.
By the end of the day, the pressure had gotten to me. The worry over the grocery money wasn’t waiting until later and the walk home didn’t sound too appealing.
Mercy rains on the just and unjust. Whichever group I fit in, mercy rained on me that day.
There was a lady that sat on the other side of the wall; the wall that separated my cubicle from hers. Her name was Verla and she seemed quite nice the few times I had spoken to her. Cubicle walls are quite thin. I tell you this in case you haven’t had the experience yourself. In any case, she overheard most of my conversations and had pieced together what hadn’t been said. This is not difficult to do when you take into account thin walls and a distraught young girl-woman who hasn’t learned how to modulate her voice in times of distress.
Verla made her way to my desk.
“I understand you are having trouble with your car?” She asked in her kindly middle-aged voice. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
The kindness overwhelmed me and I began to cry. “Thank you so much and I appreciate the offer. Would it be possible to get a ride to my daughter’s school two miles away?” I asked in a hesitant, trembling voice.
“Yes, no problem” she replied, “but I had something else in mind. I spoke with my husband this afternoon. We have a spare car we keep as a back-up and we would like to lend it to you until you get your car fixed.” She looked at me with a tender smile on her mouth and in her eyes.
As I cried harder at the extreme kindness a virtual stranger would offer me in a dark moment I replied, “Thank you so much for the offer, but I couldn’t borrow your car.”
This is when she said:
“When my husband and I were first married, we were young and had just moved here from the mid west. We had two small children and my husband had a new job when our old, beat up vehicle took its last breath and went kaput. Well, a man that lived next door to us heard of our plight and offered us the use of a vehicle. As difficult as it was for my husband’s pride, he took up the gentleman’s offer and borrowed the car until he was able to arrange for us to get another car. He felt it was more important to earn a living and feed his daughters than it was to keep his pride and refuse the car. When we returned the vehicle, we offered to reimburse him with money. The man looked at my husband and me and told us that the only thing he asked was that we help someone else in need one day.” She paused for a moment.
“So you see, by borrowing our car, you will actually be helping us fulfill our promise to the man who assisted us when we were younger.” She looked at me without judgment or condescension.
“OK” I replied after a moments thought. “I will borrow your car and I am so grateful. Thank you.” This was stated with such a sense of relief that immediately some of that weight I felt earlier lifted from me. I did however feel a new sense of humbleness.
Never had I met with such kindness from someone who didn’t even know me. Their kindness went beyond the lending of a car, however. In fact, that was the least of what I was offered that day. For on the day they lent me their car, they taught me that there was still kindness in the world. That I too, could offer this feeling to someone else in need, that accepting help is okay in times of trouble and that I could trust others even if I didn’t have a long relationship with them.
Nearly twenty years on and I still enjoy the kindness offered to me so many years ago. A stranger gave me a chance in a moment of darkness and I am a different person for that. The value of how my heart responds to others can never truly be expressed, but only humbly and gratefully received as each new day is offered to me.
By:
Lee Stuart
It was big…and old. My 1972 Dodge Dart. How I wished I actually owned it in ’72. However, I was young, poor; a single parent with a singularly small income. So sixteen years and an original engine was my transportation. It wasn’t stylish, in fact there was no real name for what it was, but it was mine.
November rolled around and it was decidedly cold. Record lows were already being noted by the news. Not a great time to have a car break down which meant that was exactly when it happened. Only six miles to work everyday, with a stop at the daycare center four miles into the trip. The poor girl couldn’t make it that far and sputtered and coughed and finally rolled herself to a stop midway on the route to work one morning.
I laid my head on the steering wheel and tried not to cry. This was only the third week of my temporary assignment. I needed the money and I really wanted the chance to get a permanent place with the company. I looked over at my daughter and her sweet toddler face just smiled in return. So unaware of what problems this breakdown could mean. A small blessing in a bleak moment.
With a large sigh and a lift of my shoulders, I stepped out of the car into the biting wind. The only thing that could make the morning colder would be rain. While looking under the hood of the car it did just that. Time was moving by quickly and I still didn’t have any idea how to get the car started again or how I would get to work. With a final glance at an engine that wouldn’t turn over, I dropped the hood.
I opened my door. The wonder that was my daughter looked at me inquisitively and I smiled at her reassuringly. I went around to her side of the car, got her out of her seat and walked with her to her day care. Once I settled her in, gave her a hug and kissed her goodbye I quickly headed to work. On foot.
Twenty minutes late, but finally in the door, I walked as fast as possible without drawing notice to myself. I worked my way through the cubicles toward my assigned desk. I had just sat down when my supervisor walked up.
“You’re twenty minutes late.” She said.
“I know and I am so sorry but my car broke down.” I replied.
“Please come with me to my office. I have to give you a verbal warning. I’m sorry about your car but its company policy.” With that she turned and headed toward her office.
I got up and followed. My feet were dragging and my shoulders hunched. It felt as if the world truly did rest on me. It was only morning and I felt completely exhausted. How was I going to get to work tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that? I didn’t know, but it wasn’t looking good. I went into her office, signed my acknowledgement of receiving a verbal warning and headed back to my desk. I did wonder on the return why a verbal warning was in writing, but really, who was I to question it?
As the day progressed, I tried to concentrate on my work. It was difficult, but lunch time finally came. Now was the time I could call around and arrange to get her towed home. There was no need to tow it to a garage. I didn’t have any funds to have it repaired. However, if I didn’t have it moved, the county would move it for me. This would not only cost more, but they would charge for storage too. That was an option I didn’t want to consider. By the end of lunch I had arranged to have the car towed. The cost would take all of my grocery money for the week, but had to be done. I would worry about the groceries later.
By the end of the day, the pressure had gotten to me. The worry over the grocery money wasn’t waiting until later and the walk home didn’t sound too appealing.
Mercy rains on the just and unjust. Whichever group I fit in, mercy rained on me that day.
There was a lady that sat on the other side of the wall; the wall that separated my cubicle from hers. Her name was Verla and she seemed quite nice the few times I had spoken to her. Cubicle walls are quite thin. I tell you this in case you haven’t had the experience yourself. In any case, she overheard most of my conversations and had pieced together what hadn’t been said. This is not difficult to do when you take into account thin walls and a distraught young girl-woman who hasn’t learned how to modulate her voice in times of distress.
Verla made her way to my desk.
“I understand you are having trouble with your car?” She asked in her kindly middle-aged voice. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
The kindness overwhelmed me and I began to cry. “Thank you so much and I appreciate the offer. Would it be possible to get a ride to my daughter’s school two miles away?” I asked in a hesitant, trembling voice.
“Yes, no problem” she replied, “but I had something else in mind. I spoke with my husband this afternoon. We have a spare car we keep as a back-up and we would like to lend it to you until you get your car fixed.” She looked at me with a tender smile on her mouth and in her eyes.
As I cried harder at the extreme kindness a virtual stranger would offer me in a dark moment I replied, “Thank you so much for the offer, but I couldn’t borrow your car.”
This is when she said:
“When my husband and I were first married, we were young and had just moved here from the mid west. We had two small children and my husband had a new job when our old, beat up vehicle took its last breath and went kaput. Well, a man that lived next door to us heard of our plight and offered us the use of a vehicle. As difficult as it was for my husband’s pride, he took up the gentleman’s offer and borrowed the car until he was able to arrange for us to get another car. He felt it was more important to earn a living and feed his daughters than it was to keep his pride and refuse the car. When we returned the vehicle, we offered to reimburse him with money. The man looked at my husband and me and told us that the only thing he asked was that we help someone else in need one day.” She paused for a moment.
“So you see, by borrowing our car, you will actually be helping us fulfill our promise to the man who assisted us when we were younger.” She looked at me without judgment or condescension.
“OK” I replied after a moments thought. “I will borrow your car and I am so grateful. Thank you.” This was stated with such a sense of relief that immediately some of that weight I felt earlier lifted from me. I did however feel a new sense of humbleness.
Never had I met with such kindness from someone who didn’t even know me. Their kindness went beyond the lending of a car, however. In fact, that was the least of what I was offered that day. For on the day they lent me their car, they taught me that there was still kindness in the world. That I too, could offer this feeling to someone else in need, that accepting help is okay in times of trouble and that I could trust others even if I didn’t have a long relationship with them.
Nearly twenty years on and I still enjoy the kindness offered to me so many years ago. A stranger gave me a chance in a moment of darkness and I am a different person for that. The value of how my heart responds to others can never truly be expressed, but only humbly and gratefully received as each new day is offered to me.
Perfect Christmas
A Perfect Christmas
Lee Stuart
Dec 2004
3rd Place Winner!My perfect Christmas would not include extra lights, tall trees and many gifts. It would not include more money, better food, or more friends. If it wouldn’t include any of these, what would it include? Close your eyes and join me in my dream…
I am sitting with a skin head and an African. Across from me sit a Muslim and Jewish friend. We are all laughing at the beauty that is each other’s company. We are celebrating Jesus’ birth, even if some of us do not believe he is the Messiah. Joy abounds and hugs are generously shared among all. Our feast is simple; broth, broken bread, and thankfulness.
The news is playing in the background. Many songs play intermittently as bad news is at a minimum. Fireworks go off in the background to celebrate the first day that no one has died an unnatural death since the world’s inception.
Glory and gratefulness are everywhere!
Onlookers see the happiness that we are all feeling and seek to join our company. Native American Indians, Sikh’s, and yes even the agnostics. They cannot help but be buoyed by the spirit of joy and thanksgiving. They want to experience a moment without anger or hate. Agape love is so apparent that others are coming. The soup pot grows with the masses as does the loaves of bread.
And up above, our Lord sits and smiles. A lone tear slowly slides down his cheek. His plans for the world, for just a moment, are there in the physical presence of all His people celebrating together. Forgetting that they ever had a quarrel with another.
Although I know I will see this one day in Heaven, my perfect Christmas would be able to see this on God’s great earth on the greatest day of the year.
Lee Stuart
Dec 2004
3rd Place Winner!My perfect Christmas would not include extra lights, tall trees and many gifts. It would not include more money, better food, or more friends. If it wouldn’t include any of these, what would it include? Close your eyes and join me in my dream…
I am sitting with a skin head and an African. Across from me sit a Muslim and Jewish friend. We are all laughing at the beauty that is each other’s company. We are celebrating Jesus’ birth, even if some of us do not believe he is the Messiah. Joy abounds and hugs are generously shared among all. Our feast is simple; broth, broken bread, and thankfulness.
The news is playing in the background. Many songs play intermittently as bad news is at a minimum. Fireworks go off in the background to celebrate the first day that no one has died an unnatural death since the world’s inception.
Glory and gratefulness are everywhere!
Onlookers see the happiness that we are all feeling and seek to join our company. Native American Indians, Sikh’s, and yes even the agnostics. They cannot help but be buoyed by the spirit of joy and thanksgiving. They want to experience a moment without anger or hate. Agape love is so apparent that others are coming. The soup pot grows with the masses as does the loaves of bread.
And up above, our Lord sits and smiles. A lone tear slowly slides down his cheek. His plans for the world, for just a moment, are there in the physical presence of all His people celebrating together. Forgetting that they ever had a quarrel with another.
Although I know I will see this one day in Heaven, my perfect Christmas would be able to see this on God’s great earth on the greatest day of the year.
On my behalf
My heart’s made speechless by your love
My mouth with words are lost
Through time of testing, trial and strife
For me you paid the cost
And yet your love grows ever deep
No matter failing you
Your arms envelop with their warmth
Your presence straight and true
My knees need polished by my floor
My head bows not enough
But by my side you always stay
Though oft I make it rough
So with these words my love to you
My heart’s an open door
I’ll walk and talk and follow
For it’s you I do adore.
He Has
He Has
‘God Bless You’ she said
As the man loudly sneezed,
‘He has’ the old man replied
Then he thought of the woman
That for sixty years
Had joyfully shared his life,
And though there were times
Some were up some were down,
There was never serious strife.
‘God Bless You’ she said
As he gave her some change,
‘He has’ the old man replied
Then he thought of his children
And all their offspring
All the happy moments they shared
Whether near or far
They were wonderful kids
Always showing how much they cared.
‘God Bless You’ priest said
As he entered the church
‘He has’ the old man replied
As he thought of his home,
His old job and his things
That had kept him safe and dry
He had no real needs
Few wants as they say
And rarely had cause to cry.
The old man was tired,
At a bench he did rest
Closed his eyes and bowed his head
Then some angels appeared
One on each side of him
‘It is time’ they quietly said.
Through the clouds the three went
What a beautiful site
As they ascended to heavenly heights
And they entered the gates
Of our Lord’s promised home
The man couldn’t believe the sites.
‘Bless you my child’ the Lord lovingly said,
‘You have’ the old man replied
He looked around
And barely could speak
He was talking to God’s only son
‘You’ve been thankful and true
Through your years in the world
But your blessings have barely begun’
Then the old man bowed
Giving thanks to his Lord
And began his heavenly days
God was true to the man
During all of his life
And had blessed him in
All of his ways.
‘God Bless You’ she said
As the man loudly sneezed,
‘He has’ the old man replied
Then he thought of the woman
That for sixty years
Had joyfully shared his life,
And though there were times
Some were up some were down,
There was never serious strife.
‘God Bless You’ she said
As he gave her some change,
‘He has’ the old man replied
Then he thought of his children
And all their offspring
All the happy moments they shared
Whether near or far
They were wonderful kids
Always showing how much they cared.
‘God Bless You’ priest said
As he entered the church
‘He has’ the old man replied
As he thought of his home,
His old job and his things
That had kept him safe and dry
He had no real needs
Few wants as they say
And rarely had cause to cry.
The old man was tired,
At a bench he did rest
Closed his eyes and bowed his head
Then some angels appeared
One on each side of him
‘It is time’ they quietly said.
Through the clouds the three went
What a beautiful site
As they ascended to heavenly heights
And they entered the gates
Of our Lord’s promised home
The man couldn’t believe the sites.
‘Bless you my child’ the Lord lovingly said,
‘You have’ the old man replied
He looked around
And barely could speak
He was talking to God’s only son
‘You’ve been thankful and true
Through your years in the world
But your blessings have barely begun’
Then the old man bowed
Giving thanks to his Lord
And began his heavenly days
God was true to the man
During all of his life
And had blessed him in
All of his ways.
Moment of Mist
As I descended the stairs outside my home this morning mist and fog was whirling and dancing in the night. The quiet had that peaceful quality to it, you know the kind that says the world is safely sleeping...that moment when drinkers are sleeping in their beds (or the local lock up) and the commuters have not yet woken. Although I'm not fond of mist and fog, as it surrounded me and the quiet and the peace engulfed me. It was a moment of beauty and changed how I viewed the early morning hours.
May something so simple and beautiful be present in your day.
May something so simple and beautiful be present in your day.
She was Loved
Psalm 56:8
You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.
God care for Kenna's beautiful little soul and grant me the courage and strength to emulate her ability to be a positive impact on the lives of people I encounter.
***
Today marked the 60yh day of Kenna missing and I had told myself I would stop actively searching on the 30th day. I've posted her on every missing site I could and they will stay for 90 days I'm told.
Every person that met my little dog fell in love with her. Even those that were not 'dog people' found her to be a tolerable exception. She was happy to see me when I came home, if I cried she nuzzled me, she stayed in every room I was in but didn't demand a lap she just wanted to be with me. It wasn't until she was gone that I realized what a beautiful addition to my life she was.
We had our own communication system. We may have spoke different languages but we still understood each other. It was funny, on work days she didn't fuss at all with me leaving as she knew I was going to make the dough for her kibbles. Give me a day off though and she'd start to give this little whine as I was getting ready. She knew those days were her time not work time and she wasn't happy at all to be without me. Oftentimes I felt equally connected and just brought her along.
She was never a burden. Never...she was peace and joy and comfort and hope and I wouldn't give up even one day I had with her. I only wished I had many more.
It's time for me to put the hope of her return to rest. Thank you all for prayers for her.
You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.
God care for Kenna's beautiful little soul and grant me the courage and strength to emulate her ability to be a positive impact on the lives of people I encounter.
***
Today marked the 60yh day of Kenna missing and I had told myself I would stop actively searching on the 30th day. I've posted her on every missing site I could and they will stay for 90 days I'm told.
Every person that met my little dog fell in love with her. Even those that were not 'dog people' found her to be a tolerable exception. She was happy to see me when I came home, if I cried she nuzzled me, she stayed in every room I was in but didn't demand a lap she just wanted to be with me. It wasn't until she was gone that I realized what a beautiful addition to my life she was.
We had our own communication system. We may have spoke different languages but we still understood each other. It was funny, on work days she didn't fuss at all with me leaving as she knew I was going to make the dough for her kibbles. Give me a day off though and she'd start to give this little whine as I was getting ready. She knew those days were her time not work time and she wasn't happy at all to be without me. Oftentimes I felt equally connected and just brought her along.
She was never a burden. Never...she was peace and joy and comfort and hope and I wouldn't give up even one day I had with her. I only wished I had many more.
It's time for me to put the hope of her return to rest. Thank you all for prayers for her.
Not fear but fearful
To me there is something infinitely beautiful about sunrises. It may seem trite but it is as if the dawning of a new day allows me to put the struggles of yesterday behind me and provide hope for today. Like I said trite but true.
However I came upon this scripture this morning which may be why sunrises have a special place in me and many others:
‘The one who rules righteously,
who rules in the fear of God,
is like the light of morning at sunrise,
like a morning without clouds,
like the gleaming of the sun
on new grass after rain.’
**
and look what the dictionary has to say about the word 'fear'
reverential awe, especially toward God: Synonyms: awe, respect, reverence, veneration.
So my God, is one I fear but I am not afraid. I simply stand in awe of His magnificence.
However I came upon this scripture this morning which may be why sunrises have a special place in me and many others:
‘The one who rules righteously,
who rules in the fear of God,
is like the light of morning at sunrise,
like a morning without clouds,
like the gleaming of the sun
on new grass after rain.’
**
and look what the dictionary has to say about the word 'fear'
reverential awe, especially toward God: Synonyms: awe, respect, reverence, veneration.
So my God, is one I fear but I am not afraid. I simply stand in awe of His magnificence.
Striations
As I sat at my desk this morning body aches abundant and the cough still present and wondering why I feel compelled to come to work and how I'll make it through the day I look out my window and there are the blue grey clouds that interrupt the sunrise.
Within a couple minutes however, striations of pink and orange start wending themselves through the once grey clouds and a burst of color suddenly explodes in front of my eyes.
This made me think - my day can be the same way. Not feeling well is like the grey clouds but God can give me bursts of beauty throughout the day that brightens my soul and gives me solace while I'm healing.
May God throw bursts of color in your life today.
Within a couple minutes however, striations of pink and orange start wending themselves through the once grey clouds and a burst of color suddenly explodes in front of my eyes.
This made me think - my day can be the same way. Not feeling well is like the grey clouds but God can give me bursts of beauty throughout the day that brightens my soul and gives me solace while I'm healing.
May God throw bursts of color in your life today.
Not Alone!
Are you feeling weary today? I know I am. This cough and body aches have knocked me for a loop and I'm not one that likes to be knocked. Sometimes our world just rushes at us full speed when our defenses are down making us feel weak and vulnerable. Funnily enough though, when I wake up the next day, life is still moving even if I didn't get everything done.
I'm reminded of this verse:
Matthew 11:28
Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.
So I close my eyes and I just imagine laying my head in my Lord's lap and having him just lightly rubbing my back and telling me to give all my problems to him. I feel the muscles in my body relax. My eyes close and I drift as if I'm floating on a cloud. Light breeze perfect temperature, no hunger, no tiredness just calm. When I remember that there is One more powerful than I, it puts my day back in perspective and I can get up again knowing that I'm not doing this alone.
Be Blessed.
I'm reminded of this verse:
Matthew 11:28
Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.
So I close my eyes and I just imagine laying my head in my Lord's lap and having him just lightly rubbing my back and telling me to give all my problems to him. I feel the muscles in my body relax. My eyes close and I drift as if I'm floating on a cloud. Light breeze perfect temperature, no hunger, no tiredness just calm. When I remember that there is One more powerful than I, it puts my day back in perspective and I can get up again knowing that I'm not doing this alone.
Be Blessed.
Pinpoint of Light
Peter 2:9
But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.
Have you ever been in a pitch black area and there's a stream of light which is what you focus on. As long as you watch the light you're fine. The minute though that your eyes drift away from the light you start to feel that panicky sensation. Well I do at least. You start groping around trying to hang on to the nearest thing to you. If you're with another person we might grab their shirt even though they are in the same darkness.
Isn't this how it is with God? As long as I keep focused on God as my pinpoint of light, I'm fine. But the minute I turn my eyes away I start getting off course, panicky and reaching to grab anything I can. Today remember to keep your eyes on the light and it will allow a sliver of peace to enter your sould. Be blessed.
The picture is taken by my dear friend Linny, the words are mine:
Relax those Shoulders
I stayed at a friends house last night so I could drive him to the airport this morning. Him being the talker he is kept yapping on until I finally asked him to please 'SHUT UP'.
Now I'm not a good driver on best of days and being so tired I was worrying about the drive to the airport. Of course to add insult to injury they decided to have a detour due to road work and that confuses this navigationally challenged girl even more. Long story short, he got there fine.
While driving to work from the airport I began to wonder why I was feeling so tense, my shoulders were bunched up like they they were yanked upwards by a vice and twisted a bit. Then it came to me, worrying had created this! Worry, that simple word that expresses so much of my angst. It's like trying to watch water boil...no matter how long you stare at it, the water will not boil until the temperature is right and the chemicals react to the heat. Nothing else will work.
God's plan is like this. I can worry and fret and plan and manuever but until it's lined up the way God wants it nothing I do will change it. So today, I'm going to pass on the worry. I have better things to do with my mind.
Proverbs 12:25
Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up.
Now I'm not a good driver on best of days and being so tired I was worrying about the drive to the airport. Of course to add insult to injury they decided to have a detour due to road work and that confuses this navigationally challenged girl even more. Long story short, he got there fine.
While driving to work from the airport I began to wonder why I was feeling so tense, my shoulders were bunched up like they they were yanked upwards by a vice and twisted a bit. Then it came to me, worrying had created this! Worry, that simple word that expresses so much of my angst. It's like trying to watch water boil...no matter how long you stare at it, the water will not boil until the temperature is right and the chemicals react to the heat. Nothing else will work.
God's plan is like this. I can worry and fret and plan and manuever but until it's lined up the way God wants it nothing I do will change it. So today, I'm going to pass on the worry. I have better things to do with my mind.
Proverbs 12:25
Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up.
Fear is Not your Friend
Daniel 10:19
“Don’t be afraid,” he said, “for you are very precious to God. Peace! Be encouraged! Be strong!” As he spoke these words to me, I suddenly felt stronger and said to him, “Please speak to me, my lord, for you have strengthened me.”
***
For the last couple of years; up until recently I have been plagued with fear. I was attacked in 2010 and my once fearless self became frightened of even the smallest things. See, I had forgotten that I was still precious to God. If I was able to get attacked like that I must not be very valuable. The enemy had my mind like never before.
Today was a day of peace! I'm always disappointed with myself for I'm quick to whine and snivel if things aren't going my way and get a bit haughty thinking when things are good as if I did them. But today...for this day...I was at peace at the same time as I was thankful for God's love.
He loves YOU! He thinks YOU are precious. Whether you are angry with him or not, he loves you. If you are blaming him for something bad that happened that the enemy created, he's still loving you. He does not love one of his children above the other but loves and wants the best for them all.
So if fear starts entering your day today remember to be STRONG for YOU are PRECIOUS to our dear God.
Have a beautiful day my lovely friends.
“Don’t be afraid,” he said, “for you are very precious to God. Peace! Be encouraged! Be strong!” As he spoke these words to me, I suddenly felt stronger and said to him, “Please speak to me, my lord, for you have strengthened me.”
***
For the last couple of years; up until recently I have been plagued with fear. I was attacked in 2010 and my once fearless self became frightened of even the smallest things. See, I had forgotten that I was still precious to God. If I was able to get attacked like that I must not be very valuable. The enemy had my mind like never before.
Today was a day of peace! I'm always disappointed with myself for I'm quick to whine and snivel if things aren't going my way and get a bit haughty thinking when things are good as if I did them. But today...for this day...I was at peace at the same time as I was thankful for God's love.
He loves YOU! He thinks YOU are precious. Whether you are angry with him or not, he loves you. If you are blaming him for something bad that happened that the enemy created, he's still loving you. He does not love one of his children above the other but loves and wants the best for them all.
So if fear starts entering your day today remember to be STRONG for YOU are PRECIOUS to our dear God.
Have a beautiful day my lovely friends.
A Quiet Moment
A moment of silence - A moment of peace
Do you ever wake up in the morning and the house is quiet? No animals rustling about, no humans making noise; you know that moment in time where the world seems perfectly still around you? This morning I woke to just that a moment of quiet. No voices from God talking to me, or cars outside, or people talking just a silence. Not an eerie silence though, more like the silence that you would experience in the middle of a meadow when it's all quiet and a young doe stands grazing in the middle of the field. And just for that moment you see all the beauty the world can offer and your spirit is at complete peace.
I wish you a quiet moment in the meadow of your soul today.
Do you ever wake up in the morning and the house is quiet? No animals rustling about, no humans making noise; you know that moment in time where the world seems perfectly still around you? This morning I woke to just that a moment of quiet. No voices from God talking to me, or cars outside, or people talking just a silence. Not an eerie silence though, more like the silence that you would experience in the middle of a meadow when it's all quiet and a young doe stands grazing in the middle of the field. And just for that moment you see all the beauty the world can offer and your spirit is at complete peace.
I wish you a quiet moment in the meadow of your soul today.
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